So although I had every intention of writing more last month, I unfortunately did not meet my own personal goals. While this was largely due to a new job (if you can call it that) and being too tired to think when I get home at night, part of it was sheer laziness. I have been crawling onto my couch and loosing my mind in television, well not entirely, I have managed to read four new books in the past month so I’m not completely wasting my free time.
Tonight however, really made me realize the amount of truly unstable, and mentally unhealthy people I have managed to encounter in the past month alone. While my “job” creates numerous opportunities to face the mentally infirm everyday, it has been just this past weekend where I have experienced some of the most astounding cases of mental health. More specifically, I have encountered those who are unaware they have their own problems with Crazy.
Friday, I was “dumped” by a guy I had been texting with, because I “needed to get my head out of my ass.” Turns out the person accusing me of these issues, had decided that not only was I jobless, but homeless as well. This all based on the fact that I can’t pay my cable bill this week. Now I might be crazy, and any number of other things, but having my head in my ass is not one of my prevalent problems. I am the first one to say that I have issues. Seriously, I write a blog about being crazy, I know that I’m not all that stable all the time.
This accusation, of course played on my personal crazy and helped in sending me into a massive panic attack, fueled by ignorance and depression. I often feel as if I am a failure (something I believe is not that abnormal), but someone who doesn’t know anything about me has no right to tell me this. So Friday night I had my most epic anxiety attack in months. And during this unfortunate event I realized that I seriously need a new job, and some hope for humanity. This ignorant boy really made me doubt the future of our species, if the “smart” people are so unwilling to listen to what a person is saying, what hope do we have?
By today I had regained some hope for humanity. Then I went to the gas station.
On this trip with my friend, we were ambushed by a girl I had briefly met at an open mic several months ago. I don’t know how she recognized me, but she ran across the parking to speak with my friend and me. The conversation, was tainted by her drunken state, and the extreme and obviously drugged state of her two companions. Now I don’t judge people for drinking, and if they really want to do drugs fine, not my thing, but to each is own.
This gas station interruption took almost 45 minutes and really made me think that I am much better off then I had been feeling I was all weekend. I might be crazy, well I am, but I know it. Not only am I crazy, but I try to do something about it. I worry about people sometimes, who are blissfully unaware of their personal choices and their own instability. I am not judging this girl and her friends, but I really hope that they made it home safely, and that she gets herself into a safe situation away from the people she is spending her time with, if not for herself, then for the safety of her children.
It’s too bad that there is such a stigma on getting help, seeing a therapist, or just not self medicating all the time. I hope that in some small way my openness about my own struggles with depression, anxiety, and OCD will help to make others more comfortable with being different, and admitting that sometimes we cannot handle everything alone. When we force our crazy into a box, and cover it with arrogance, drugs, or both nobody wins, and we only hurt ourselves.