Just because it Seems hard to Believe doesn’t make it a Lie

I am one of those people who has alway had a hard time getting a job. While my friends in high school worked after school, I mostly focused on music lessons, rehearsals, and homework. I was fine with this because the one job I had in that time was really gross.

Once I started college I managed to get a job at a bookstore. This would have been ideal except our GM made a practice of clocking us out and locking us in the store during inventory. Needless to say I quit. I knew this was legal for my manager to do this, but I also didn’t know that I could do anything about it.

I moved on from there to working under the table as a bartender and then waitressing for the next six years. During this time I played music and sometimes got paid for doing that. For a little while I even fought private music lessons.

I moved a couple times and ended up back in Jacksonville. Then I decided to finish my BA. Unfortunately sociology isn’t as marketable of a degree as I would have hoped. So since graduation I have been taking whatever jobs come my way. Most are some version of commission sales.

I also started writing more. However, the more money and health problems I had, the less I would write. Now I seem to have moved past my major health issues: anxiety is low and my stomach problems are under control so long as I avoid beef products. Because of these health problems though I can no longer work in the job fields I had previously worked.

Now it feels as if the only jobs I am interviewed for or offered are in commission only sales. Unfortunately I am terrible at these jobs. I get nervous and I don’t believe in convincing someone to buy a product they clearly don’t want.

I wrote this because lately I have been accused of being an addict and have been told that this is why my life isn’t going how I wanted. While this is a good theory I suppose, the truth isn’t nearly as interesting. I have allergies, made bad choices in jobs, and I’m crazy. No addiction issues, unless you count shoes or cigarettes, and I don’t know how that made my life tough.

Hopefully things will change soon. I’m not asking for much, just a steady regular paycheck so I always know how much money to expect. I just don’t know how to switch job fields and that is creating the bulk of my job problem.

If you have any advice or ideas, please feel free to share.
I want to embrace the crazy, but today I’m too confused.

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