Today, I feel lost and alone. I really want to be held, which is odd for me. I want to feel special, and like things are really going to work out. My heart is heavy and I feel trapped by my surroundings. Trapped in my own skin. My soul it trying to reach out to someone or for something and I don’t know who, or what.
Today is a day of unrest. Outrage over any injustice, I want to feel safe, loved, and alive. I instead feel unsure, alone, and not quite real.
Nothing makes sense right now. I’m not anxious or afraid, just trapped and alone with my own thoughts. Everyone’s anger and frustration like a hot needle piercing my brain and making me want to hide, but I don’t want to be alone. I need hope. But it’s not something you can buy at the store. I need no more judgements. I need honest love and companionship. Someone who I don’t mind holding me, who sees through the bullshit into the person that I am and doesn’t need me to talk an won’t think there is something wrong with me if I don’t. I’m tired of just talking. I need results and a way to get them. And now I need a cigarette. I guess it will be an evening run to Walgreens, that’s what I get. I wonder if they sell answers or solutions. I think they just sell band-aids.