Just Trying to Survive

Just trying to survive

So about two weeks ago I was put in a position where I had to take an unpaid medical leave from my job for 30 days. I didn’t want to take the leave, but facing the choice of being fired for getting sick and having to call in again for any reason, I took the option that kept my insurance. The insurance being important because I am in the process of trying to get a proper diagnoses for whatever is wrong with my stomach.

Basically for the past 8 years I have spent weeks at a time throwing up every day, for no reason. I am sick all the time, scared to eat because I might get sick, which again makes me sick, and anxious that I will lose my job for this problem, which also leads to more throwing up. It sucks. And as bad as that is it isn’t the worst of it.  I am so sick all the time, I can’t even play with my son if I am able to even spend time with him.

When I am having a flare up I feel like I have mono. I am exhausted. And I can’t focus on anything. The medication I take for my nausea is helping, but it also makes me very sleepy and causes blurred vision. And my anxiety is still so high that I can’t eat. This is common in the temporary diagnosis I have been given of Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, yes it’s a real thing and it doesn’t go away. I have to live like this for the rest of my life, I can only work towards trying to manage it. I have been getting tons of testing done which has put me even further into debt. Without my insurance the ability to find out what is actually going on with my stomach, is going to be over.

My biggest problem right now, is that my family says they care, but their actions are the opposite. They never call to see how I am feeling and when I tell them they are full of the normal platitudes of saying they are sorry and wish there was something they could do to help, but there just isn’t. Having our family treat you the way you would expect someone to treat a stranger or vague acquaintance doesn’t help me feel better, and I doubt it would anyone else either.

I don’t have anyone who is there for me when I have to spend all day in bed sick, and now I am facing not having a bed to stay in all day when I am sick. Because of my unpaid medical leave, and the previous sickness of the past several months, I have no ability to pay my rent. I have one week to come up with the $600 I need to keep a roof over my head.

My only leads on this money is to sell my cameras, my guitars, and my great aunts antique white gold watch. Unfortunately, even if I sell all these things, which individually are worth more than my rent, I will not be able to make the $600 I need. I might get $100 for the watch, about $200 for my guitars, and then $80 for my camera. Which leaves me needing just over $200 to stay in my apartment for one more month.

I’m at my ropes end. I don’t see a way out of this, and I don’t know how I can possibly come up with the money I need before I lose my home. I am so tired of fighting for my place and my voice to be heard in this world, only to get sick and lose it, or be labeled as crazy and undeserving.

If any of you out there have any ideas of how I can get through this and not be living in my car, please comment and let me know. I am out of ideas, maybe someone out there will have something better than I have been able to come up with.

If you comment is “I’m sorry, wish I could help,” just liking the post would be better. I can’t take anyone else saying that they wish they could help or knew what to do, because they feel they need to say something.

Sorry for being dramatic, but this is a very real and very serious problem I am having and being out of options I am reaching out. If anyone knows a way to help me please let me know.

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One thought on “Just Trying to Survive”

  1. I feel like you may need a second medical opinion. I just had an aunt die of hardened stomach lining that just had symptoms of constantly throwing up and unwilling to eat due to the fear of throwing up again. It devastated me more than I can express and I’d hate to see another potentially serious condition be overlooked or misdiagnosed.

    Liked by 1 person

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