So often I have had difficulties writing, and I either put it all aside or just push through. However, right now I am working on my personal statement and portfolio to apply to grad school. I don’t mind editing my pieces, but at the moment everything I look at in some of my best work I am questioning. I feel like there are mistakes in every bit of what I wrote, from beginning to end. I don’t know if I’m just being the perfectionist that I can sometimes be, or if these problems are really there.
Now normally in this situation I would ask for an extra pair of eyes, but the whole thing makes me nervous. I am anxious about every aspect of this process. I am not worried that I am a bad writer, but that my writing won’t fit into a MFA program. I want my essays to be perfect, but then if they are perfect, then why do I need to go back to school. So I am stuck in an odd crisis here. What do I write? What do I submit? What are my reasons? All things that I could have easily picked, named, and put words to a month ago.
So as I am trying this, I figured that I would write a post about being stuck. I am stuck and I feel that this program can help me get out of the writing funk which I have been in, but I don’t feel that is the best statement to put on my application. I am at a loss for words where it matters for school, and I am stuck in this odd place trying to force the right words to come out and I am not sure what the right words are.
I want to embrace my crazy for this, because that is one thing that makes my writing better. I embrace my flaws and I am the first to point out my issues with writing, and my life in general. Now I have to find the perfect words for the one thing I really want to do with my life, and I feel like there aren’t any. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect, but I feel like this has to be.
So I am trying to embrace my imperfection with my life and my writing to I can let the words come, because I feel that whatever words there are, they should be the perfect ones, because they are my words. So prayers and wishes please, I can use all of the help I can get in order to get past my own personal fears. However, if I don’t do this then I will regret it for the rest of my life. So I just need to push forward.
Don’t give up on your dreams. Change them from dreams to goals, because then they are just dreams with deadlines. And I don’t know about you, but I work best with deadlines. So this is something that I know I can do despite my fears, because it is not a choice any more it is what I am supposed to be doing with my life.