It is always annoying to be accused of things which you don’t do. It is more annoying when it comes from people who don’t know you well. However, the most irritating is not just being accused of things you don’t do, but being told all about what a horrible person you are by someone who you’ve only met in person 2 times. When this happens, it is hard for even the most emotionally stable of us not to give pause and wonder just what is wrong with people.
Last night I was at home, recovering from straining my calves, at this point I could barely walk and so was not in such a great mood. I got a Facebook message from a guy I had met through an online dating site. While I had well over a month ago decided that this person was not someone I could date, I had thought that we had enough similar interests that we could at least attempt a decent friendship. I should have listened to my friend, who does know me well, and blocked him, cut my loses, and just ignored his attempts to contact me. However, being a stubborn person I decided I would try to talk to him if he messaged me.
It had been several weeks since I had heard from this individual, but every conversation we had tended to end up along the same course. Each time we spoke, the conversation would be turned to why I wasn’t interested in dating him. He could not understand that I am not currently interested in dating anyone seriously, and I’m not looking for a friend with benefits either. He would take this as a personal affront and tell me in his own words how I really felt. I would generally stop responding at this point.
When we got to this point last night, I again tried to explain myself, and how I felt about the general situation, and why I wasn’t interested in dating him. In no uncertain terms, when we had first started talking a couple months ago, I had told him that I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, wasn’t looking for friends with benefits, and could not deal with clingy or co-dependent people. Somehow he over looked this and has spent the time being clingy, co-dependent, and pushy about relationship and other things. Last night when he brought up this subject again, I told him that I didn’t want to have this conversation.
After twice telling him how I felt about having the conversation, he turned around and decided to bash me in every way he could think of. Apparently, I make up my mental illness to use as an excuse or a crutch and it’s not real. Also, I am selfish, which is of course why I plan on going to school for counseling, that’s what all selfish people do. I am also a childish person, a liar, and a bad parent. All this was gathered from a person based off three factors: 1. I didn’t feel inclined to cuddle or make out with him, 2. When he came to my house the first time he asked if I need anything, I answered honestly and said toilet paper, and 3. That I am not interested in dating or sleeping with anyone at the moment.
Well based off these amazingly accurate bits of information, I must be a lazy, selfish, lying, not crazy enough, bad parent. Also somehow in this rant from him I am all of these things as well because I don’t have a terminal illness and I can’t possibly know what it’s like to be lonely or in pain. Wow! I have given birth, naturally I might add, and I don’t know what pain is. I am starting to feel a bit more sane already.
This is why I had talked about finding a crazy which fits your own, in an early post. I think it was “Hey Baby, What’s Your Diagnosis?” So, I do talk about embracing the crazy. I never say “crawl into your crazy and use it as an excuse for everything!” I would never want to do that, much less tell others to do that. I do have other problems that cause difficulties for my life, who doesn’t? I don’t blame other people for my inability for find a good job, well not more than the general lament about wanting a chance, please, someone… Either way, I don’t blame others for my allergies, or my physical illnesses, who would I blame, my parents? It isn’t like they picked out those particular genes to pass on to me.
As for my parenting. Someone who knows very little about me, especially someone who has never seen me with my kid let alone any other children has no right to judge that.
Embrace that crazy, but tread lightly while learning that of those around you. Like personalities, or colors, not everyone goes together.