Tag Archives: broke

Just Trying to Survive


Just trying to survive

So about two weeks ago I was put in a position where I had to take an unpaid medical leave from my job for 30 days. I didn’t want to take the leave, but facing the choice of being fired for getting sick and having to call in again for any reason, I took the option that kept my insurance. The insurance being important because I am in the process of trying to get a proper diagnoses for whatever is wrong with my stomach.

Basically for the past 8 years I have spent weeks at a time throwing up every day, for no reason. I am sick all the time, scared to eat because I might get sick, which again makes me sick, and anxious that I will lose my job for this problem, which also leads to more throwing up. It sucks. And as bad as that is it isn’t the worst of it.  I am so sick all the time, I can’t even play with my son if I am able to even spend time with him.

When I am having a flare up I feel like I have mono. I am exhausted. And I can’t focus on anything. The medication I take for my nausea is helping, but it also makes me very sleepy and causes blurred vision. And my anxiety is still so high that I can’t eat. This is common in the temporary diagnosis I have been given of Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, yes it’s a real thing and it doesn’t go away. I have to live like this for the rest of my life, I can only work towards trying to manage it. I have been getting tons of testing done which has put me even further into debt. Without my insurance the ability to find out what is actually going on with my stomach, is going to be over.

My biggest problem right now, is that my family says they care, but their actions are the opposite. They never call to see how I am feeling and when I tell them they are full of the normal platitudes of saying they are sorry and wish there was something they could do to help, but there just isn’t. Having our family treat you the way you would expect someone to treat a stranger or vague acquaintance doesn’t help me feel better, and I doubt it would anyone else either.

I don’t have anyone who is there for me when I have to spend all day in bed sick, and now I am facing not having a bed to stay in all day when I am sick. Because of my unpaid medical leave, and the previous sickness of the past several months, I have no ability to pay my rent. I have one week to come up with the $600 I need to keep a roof over my head.

My only leads on this money is to sell my cameras, my guitars, and my great aunts antique white gold watch. Unfortunately, even if I sell all these things, which individually are worth more than my rent, I will not be able to make the $600 I need. I might get $100 for the watch, about $200 for my guitars, and then $80 for my camera. Which leaves me needing just over $200 to stay in my apartment for one more month.

I’m at my ropes end. I don’t see a way out of this, and I don’t know how I can possibly come up with the money I need before I lose my home. I am so tired of fighting for my place and my voice to be heard in this world, only to get sick and lose it, or be labeled as crazy and undeserving.

If any of you out there have any ideas of how I can get through this and not be living in my car, please comment and let me know. I am out of ideas, maybe someone out there will have something better than I have been able to come up with.

If you comment is “I’m sorry, wish I could help,” just liking the post would be better. I can’t take anyone else saying that they wish they could help or knew what to do, because they feel they need to say something.

Sorry for being dramatic, but this is a very real and very serious problem I am having and being out of options I am reaching out. If anyone knows a way to help me please let me know.

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Money troubles continue


I have been struggling with money problems for about a year and a half now. I was barely making ends meet for a little while, with help from friends and family. Now though I am not sure how I’m gonna come up with the funds I need for my bills.

It’s tough out there for those of us on the job hunt, and it seems that more often than not I am not getting job offers in areas where I can work. I am plagued with commission sales, one area where I know I do not do well.

My next problem is that I currently don’t have the money I need to pay for my phone and electric bill. Also I really need to find a way to have my internet turned back on. The internet is unfortunately a necessity and without it I won’t be able to find a decent job.

There are only so many hours I can spend at the library or my friends houses. I had been offered a couple work from home writing and editing jobs, but I can’t take them because of my lack of internet.

If anyone has any idea how I could make some decent money, quickly I would really appreciate it. In my struggles to live with anxiety and OCD jobs are difficult to come by and solutions tend to hide from me.

Hopefully things will get better soon. I am working on a collection of essays which I am thinking of self publishing, but this is another area which requires some money and internet connection.

Pray to the gods of the crazy people, the artistic people, and the solitary writers. Embrace the crazy, and let me know if you have any ideas which could help me. Thanks, I love you all.