Tag Archives: dreams

Writing Difficulties and Fears


So often I have had difficulties writing, and I either put it all aside or just push through. However, right now I am working on my personal statement and portfolio to apply to grad school. I don’t mind editing my pieces, but at the moment everything I look at in some of my best work I am questioning. I feel like there are mistakes in every bit of what I wrote, from beginning to end. I don’t know if I’m just being the perfectionist that I can sometimes be, or if these problems are really there.

Now normally in this situation I would ask for an extra pair of eyes, but the whole thing makes me nervous. I am anxious about every aspect of this process. I am not worried that I am a bad writer, but that my writing won’t fit into a MFA program. I want my essays to be perfect, but then if they are perfect, then why do I need to go back to school. So I am stuck in an odd crisis here. What do I write? What do I submit? What are my reasons? All things that I could have easily picked, named, and put words to a month ago.

So as I am trying this, I figured that I would write a post about being stuck. I am stuck and I feel that this program can help me get out of the writing funk which I have been in, but I don’t feel that is the best statement to put on my application. I am at a loss for words where it matters for school, and I am stuck in this odd place trying to force the right words to come out and I am not sure what the right words are.

I want to embrace my crazy for this, because that is one thing that makes my writing better. I embrace my flaws and I am the first to point out my issues with writing, and my life in general. Now I have to find the perfect words for the one thing I really want to do with my life, and I feel like there aren’t any. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect, but I feel like this has to be.

So I am trying to embrace my imperfection with my life and my writing to I can let the words come, because I feel that whatever words there are, they should be the perfect ones, because they are my words. So prayers and wishes please, I can use all of the help I can get in order to get past my own personal fears. However, if I don’t do this then I will regret it for the rest of my life. So I just need to push forward.

Don’t give up on your dreams. Change them from dreams to goals, because then they are just dreams with deadlines. And I don’t know about you, but I work best with deadlines. So this is something that I know I can do despite my fears, because it is not a choice any more it is what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Sometimes I wonder


There are some days I wonder why I continue to write. It often feels like a struggle. Then out of nowhere the words come easily. They come from me and onto my computer screen faster than the computer can keep up with the flow. Those are the days that I think we all long for as writers.

It isn’t much different than living with another mental health problem. As a writers we test the definition of insanity as a daily ritual. We do the same thing every day and expect different results. However, sometimes we get them. I know for me it is the difference between a life lived and a life imagined. Now you might wonder how a life of writing is one lived and not imagined. For me writing is life. I give life to my thoughts, fears, passions, pains, and dreams. If I don’t write them then they become stagnant. That isn’t living.

Now a fear isn’t something that we normally want to breathe life into, but I believe that without fear we have nothing to aim to. No goals without the fear of failure. No dreams if we aren’t afraid of living in the same existence we already struggle with each day. My words give me a chance to figure out everything I want from life, and the ability to chase those things or turn away from what I can no longer hold on to.

It doesn’t matter what you write, or if you are writing for anyone else to read or just for yourself. I believe that everyone can benefit from a journal, at the least. It is a place to get out of our heads, or get our heads out of us. If we keep our thoughts bottled up then we build rage and resentment that comes out in unhealthy ways. I am determined to live a more healthy life.

After two days at home sick, missing work that I can’t afford to miss, I have begun to write again. It makes me feel better, even if just for a little while. Otherwise I am just complaining to my friends about how I want to do more with my life and I am leaving my dreams in the corner to take care of themselves, forgetting that to achieve any dream we have to nurture it the same way we do our children.

I have rediscovered my music, my art, and my writing, and through these discoveries I am rediscovering myself. Who I am and where I want to go. I can say how I feel and it doesn’t matter if one day I hate everything, because these words are just a reflection of a moment in my life. My words don’t define me, I define my words, and if my definition changes from one day to the next that is okay.

Now if none of this make sense, that’s fine, I am self admittedly crazy. So this is how I choose to embrace that crazy today. I will write what I feel and I will listen to music that reflects that and I will heal through these actions. Embrace your crazy and grow from it.

“Dreams are oft…


“Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy.”

Sigmund Freud

While I don’t agree with many aspects of Freud and his theories about sanity and mental health, I love this quote.  I have crazy dreams all the time, and those are the most interesting and fun dreams to have.  It is always fun to wake from a crazy dream and wonder how much it really says about your sanity while awake.